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Lorna's Voice
at the Perceptions Forum
Lorna says “ I have dreams when I am awake, dreams when I am asleep and sometimes I awaken from these dreams into a nightmare. I am beginning to choose my dreams and live my own reality in a more rewarding way.
A journey continues.
The health professionals donated enough labels to wallpaper my house, inside and out so I bought one of those steam-strippers and redecorated. I expect it will need redoing again before long. ”
An enormous caterpillar, fluorescent green and hairy, munches everything in sight. Imagine that crawling across your skin.
“Have you found someone?”
“No. The short answer is No. I’ve had a letter though.”
“And?”
“I only got it a few days ago. I haven’t had time. I needed to speak to you, to get your permission to pursue it.”
“So you haven't found anyone I can talk to?”
“No. He says he already has more than enough complex cases. He'll only see you if the other team supplies the community nurse and they will have to refer to their own...”
“That means...”
“Yes it does.”
“There seem to be a lot of closed doors. The only ones that are open take me back into her power.”
I withdraw into a dark place to consider my existence for a while. When I emerge into the light, shaking myself free of the silk threads that confined me, I discover that I am a butterfly- a very beautiful one at that.
“Will you go, go and see her?”
“Are you referring me?”
“Will you go?”
“Is it in my best interests? You’re my doctor and supposed to be looking after my health. A few weeks ago you referred me elsewhere because you felt that would be better for me. I felt you were offering me what was best. Are you now saying that it is best for the health of your patient to go to see her again?”
“There was a time when I would have insisted.”
“I know. But maybe he is scared of her and that is why he won't take me on.”
I flutter among the colourful flowers, feeling the warmth of the sun on my wings. But the flowers remember me as I used to be before my transformation and complain about my presence.
“Maybe he is scared of you.”
“Am I that scary? I don't think I am that scary. I think she is pulling strings so I have to see her.”
“No. It is the system.”
Changing the system is beyond my capabilities; changing myself has possibilities. I am too fragile as a butterfly so I begin to put my roots down among the flowers and try to conform to their rules. However, as a climber among the daffodils without a trellis, I struggle to thrive and am discarded like an irritating weed.
“Will you go?”
“How can I? I still feel so angry. I know they might not have been laughing at me but I had hardly left the room when it exploded in laughter. It was...it was unkind. And she won't allow me to be who I am now. She will see me as I was then and I don't have the strength to be myself in her presence.”
“So you won't go.”
“I don't see how I can.”
A weed is but a wild flower out of its natural environment. My transformation is complete, or so I believe. All I have to do is find a way to survive. I am about to spread some roots into the compost heap when I discover that I am not a plant at all but a Jack-in-the-box with flailing arms that won't squash back into its box. Whatever next?
© copyright L.Rosen
Help Lines
fingers
press buttons
numbers link
a line of connection
heart beats
faster sobs ringing tone.
answer phone. please
answer phone. i don't
want the answer
phone.
tears fall. ear pressed
close. deep breath and
announce myself
words stumble through
loud sniffs. tears flow.
stifled chokes. wipe nose
words jumble. lengthy pauses.
reach out and feel supported
replace receiver
break connection
return to hell in
isolation
© copyright L.Rosen
Fine lines
craze the glazing of my
eyes. Tears form
dark tracks along my cheeks.
A tunnel swallows my face.
Listen. A piercing scream.
Rattle past and past again.
Hear
the noise vibrate
inside my head
Voices. Faces
Look up and see
me disintegrate. Fragments
of conversation continue. My
silence passed
unheard.
© copyright L.Rosen
http://emotiontoolkit.com
Done Lines
(achievement star)
Demotivated? How about...
Punch Lines
A polar bear and a penguin meet in a pub.
| Polar Bear: | You're a strange fellow. |
| Penguin: | Speak for yourself |
| Polar Bear: | All right. All right. Put your claws away. |
| Penguin: | I can't. I don't have any. |
| Polar Bear: | Oh. I'm sorry. I've just noticed. What happened? |
| Penguin: | What do you mean? |
| Polar Bear | Well, was it an accident or what? |
| Penguin: | What are you on? |
| Polar Bear: | Those scars on your body. I hope you don't mind me asking. You don't have to tell me. It's just...well, I'm curious I suppose. |
| Penguin: | These aren't scars. It's the way I was made. Well the way I am supposed to be. When I was younger I was sort of fluffy, all over, like, but now I look like most my relatives. |
| Polar Bear: | Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean... |
| Penguin: | Anyway, what happened to you? |
| Polar Bear: | Me? |
| Penguin: | Are your parents giants or something? And your skin. It's so strange. It looks so, so heavy. |
| Polar Bear: | That's fur. Bit hot in here I must admit but at home I need it. It's so cold. It looks heavy but I sure can swim. |
| Penguin: | Me too. I spend a lot of time in the water. |
| Polar Bear: | Who'd have thought? |
| Penguin: | What? |
| Polar Bear: | We've got something in common, after all. I wonder...what's your favourite food? I'm partial to fish myself. |
| Penguin: | Me too. Favourite colour? |
| Polar Bear: | White I suppose. It reminds me of home. Refreshing and smooth. |
| Penguin: | That sounds like my home. But I've never seen anything like you before. It's strange isn't it? |
| Polar Bear: | What? |
| Penguin: | Well when I first saw you, I thought we were just poles apart. But now, well I'm not so sure. |
| Polar Bear: | You mean things are not always as black and white as they appear eh? Let me get you a drink. Ice? |
© copyright L.Rosen
that's all for now.