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Any Journey Starts with the First Steps

by Kaz P

It’s been many years since I travelled any where by train on my own- so long in fact I can’t recall my last journey. At one time, it was a weekly occurrence travelling from Birmingham New Street to Sheffield, each weekend after a gruelling week at college. That was over 20 years ago and much has happened since, including 2 marriages, 2 divorces a bout of domestic violence and losing contact with my 2 daughters- such is life. The mental ill health triggered by this emotional rollercoaster caused me to lose my confidence and to be anxious about anything and everything! Especially anything new and unpredictable and I guess you’d agree that travelling on public transport is often unpredictable and rather stressful at the best of times. So, it was with a fair degree of interpretation that I considered the invitation to the members meeting that arrived with the Spring edition of Perceptions magazine. I wanted to go but that anxious voice informed me I couldn’t do it and brought to mind a myriad of difficulties I might encounter on the way!

Then I recalled an entry in my journal made just after New Years- under the heading ‘New Years Hopes and Dreams’: to face up to and overcome my fears one by one, well here was a perfect opportunity to do just that!!

I took the first tentative steps and called Travel line for train times and costs, and then the venue to check the meeting was still on and to find out how much a taxi from the station would cost. Encouraged by the knowledge that there was a direct train from Leicester to Birmingham New Street which went at 9:09 am thereby entitling me to a ‘cheap’ away day return (£8.50 in fact!) and a taxi would only be a few pounds I decided with the support of my Fiancée who offered to take and fetch me to Leicester Station, to give it a go!!

The station was really busy so my partner got me through the ticket queue to the barrier and then I was on my own. So with a few tears in my eyes( I hate goodbyes) I made my way to the waiting train having checked it was the right one, I settled down in a window seat facing the way we would be travelling ( I hate hurtling down a track at some high speed backwards). The journey was pleasant, the train clean and my fellow passengers blissfully unaware of the enormity of effort it had taken for me to share their morning ritual of travelling to work. Time went quickly and after a few stops, we crawled into Birmingham New Street. My anxiety level has reduced during the trip but peaked again as I contemplated getting through the crowed station to the taxi rank. Having shared my concerns with a lady next to me, she very kindly shepherd me out of a quite side exit and to a waiting cab, and within minutes I was walking into the Volunteer Service Centre with a huge sense of achievement. I had done it!

Was it worth the emotional energy expanded? Definitely- not only had I broken a personal barrier but I met a very friendly, accepting bunch of people and felt welcomed and encouraged to contribute to the discussions during the day. I have been recently looking for something to get involved with for a while and have tried, unsuccessful to get paid work. But I felt a door of opportunity had opened and I look forward to attending on a regular basis and getting more involved with Perceptions over the coming months.

Maybe you too have wondered about coming along, but been deterred- I can only say I went home with a sense of personal achievement, a better understanding of what Perceptions is all about, an expenses cheque ( that I hadn’t expected) and a big smile. Why don’t you join us next time?